#also it's just quieter in here
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i don't think i'm ever going to be normal about the sky (tags)
#TAG RAMBLE !#i've been thinking for a while about clouds and the sky#i mean i've always felt how vast it is#but clouds are so human to me. or alive at least#i see a clear sky and it feels like maybe we're all alone out here and we are all going to die#like the universe is quiet and empty#but an overcast sky sort of. it feels comforting#kind of bounces my thoughts back down to earth maybe. it makes the world feel small and finite#and then there's in-between!! big clouds and wisps of clouds. they feel like faces or just. living things#the sky is so infinite and all-consuming and they're right up there with it#deciding they make the painting more whole#i'm making this post because i was just in the car looking out the window#and the edge of the sunset sky had sort of. a film of clouds over it#and it was like the sky finally had a face. like i could hold it#and i don't know i just stared at the colors as the clouds faded and felt small and infinite#writing all of this in the tags because i feel like it seems pretentious in a post? sort of stuff you say to a friend in a field at dusk#and not on tumblr dot com to the mutuals#also it's just quieter in here#i think a part of me will always be longing because i want to touch the sky#and it's nice to know i'll always want something#that's all for now. byebye <3#tag twaddle#kindling#clouds
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trying to get kiki's characterization right (at the same time as navigating a falin who's gotten into a tense situation with people she doesn't know very well AND without the assistance of laios or marcille) is highkey kicking my ass ngl
#a little creature#i did just settle on a comedic icebreaker end to the conversation instead of going the full blown drama route bc i got tired#but now im wondering if that's a copout#like wouldn't falin react more strongly to this considering how i built it up???#but it's been like two months and im at 8-9k and im TIRED i want this chapter to be done#i can't think about it anymore. im settling on quirky joke and feelgood moment followed by quieter conversation later on#and if it seems like falin has a crush on kiki because of the way im describing her. so be it. i can't be bothered trying to control that#we're all gay here you know what you were signing up for.#also sorry i'll get around to answering asks and messages in a bit i just legit.#didn't realize how many days were passing. insomnia + time blindness hardcore got me these past few weeks
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Dear JT 🩷 How are you doing? I hope you’re feeling a bit better 🩷 Please take care 😘
heyhey! thanks for checking in anon, you're very sweet 🩷
things have been going okay - my brain is still having moments of "that was a lot of thinking we're turning off now" but overall i think it's getting better. case in point: i've been able to noodle on some new fics which has been nice. idk if anyone has felt anything similar, but i feel a little lonely if i don't have a fic percolating in the back of my head. fics kinda become little buddies you carry around with you, yknow?
but generally been just trying to do the life thing. i've been really thankful to folks who've indulged my random questions and ramblings, and also folks like you who've checked in with me 🩷
#jt answers#anon i hope you take care as well! 🩷#i know i haven't been posting here it's just -#idk just haven't really been into anything social media lately outside of messaging folks#i think it's mostly bc i've been pretty tired with work and other thinky thoughts#but hoping that things will get quieter as the end of the year gets closer#though idk that's also a weird and rough time of year too so#idk i'm just talking bubbles now lol
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The fact that this page made me nearly tear up speaks of the level of character writing of Berserk
Farnese went from sadistically enjoying making people under herself suffer to feel a shred of power in her life, to panicking and rushing to protect the most vulnerable person that could be entrusted in her care, not for herself but because Casca needs to be cared for. And you get to see the evolution, what makes her question herself and the root of her beliefs, the guilt and sense of worthlessness that she carries with her and desperately wants to overcome.
What a wonderful character :)
#berserk#farnese de vandimion#how do you write meta about berserk when it has been dissected to its atomic structure for the past 30 years#i feel woefully inadequate#i just wanted to share this moment i felt#admittedly i always related to farnese#not really the sadistic part but the part where she realizes she's a burden not good for anything#which makes her desire to improve herself all the more touching#i also find interesting that her character development goes from being aggressive and stubborn to being meeker#on the surface of course#because farnese used to be aggressive to cover up her lack of spine with authority figures#while her quieter demeanor coincides with her becoming braver#there is probably a discussion about femininity to be had here but i'm not qualified enough to do that
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monthly reset for me which means i am a little overwhelmed with some old asks and drafts and i'll be deleting them and reblogging new prompts to start over
#ooc.#i'm probably also going to clean out my dscord#just a little bit to relieve the list of things i need to do#if you do have me on disc or if you've peeped my pinned / carrd#you probably noticed i soft launched a new pen name#anyway i might have been quieter here than usual but i'm around#been so stuck on old drafts and stuff that i've been tired#a small cleanout won't hurt and i'll be more energized
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I genuinely wonder about Ariane and the Itous friendship they’re such a delightful little trio of outcast weirdo kids to me
#I say this as someone who was the outcast weirdo kid 💪#anyway to me their first interaction is Isa and Erika seeing Ariane’s yuriful sketchbook#and then being like oh yeah. we like this freak (affectionate)#history from there#but yeah!!! the three of them are the only ones that stick out like sore thumbs#they gotta stick together!!!#In my heart of hearts Ariane isn’t nice especially during her school years but there is an exception for the Itous#Ari’s also more isolated compared to the Itous. I think Isa is quieter but both of the twins still are more outgoing than their friend#with Erika of course being the boldest of the three#that being said I think Ariane got away with a lot of shit bc she was sneakier#u just know that girl had the good vinetan weed hidden somewhere#anyway just thinkin about the three of em!!#I do wonder why Erika’s face is erased throughout the game#my personal take on it is she was the twin that was closer to Ariane (either platonically or perhaps there was a mutual crush or more)#and she either did something/something happened to her#and it’s caused Ariane enough grief that she wants to forget it all hence blotting her out?#just pondering#signalis how have u gotten me to start actually yapping my thoughts out here what is this lmao <3#lynx talks
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i went plinking yesterday for the first time and had a lot of fun, I've been wanting to familiarize myself w my airsoft gun more since it's hard to find a good secluded spot where u don't have a risk of ppl walking by.
we just hung a tin can from a tree branch and shot it from different distances, but it was very satisfying to pick it up that quick 🌝 i also love getting ppl to try something they don't usually do and learn with you.
#it's so funny that it's a glock. look at it and call it that but it literally is they make airsoft guns too 😤#that n steel BBs were massive overkill for what i originally wanted them for but like... it's here now lol might as well learn to shoot#it's also kinda my way of warming up to a real gun‚ maybe. I've been on the fence about whether I'd want one or not#and have mostly been in the No territory (hence my knives and spikes) until this‚ but i mean w enough practice and experience#maybe I'd want one 🤷🏾♀️ i already kind of want a crossbow. i just think weapons training is fun 😶🌫️#guns specifically are like ouggh it makes so much noise though like ... there are quieter ways of dealing w things#if i ever need to do something i don't wanna draw attention to myself yk? 🤧 she's got a stealth rogue build going on#but exceptions can be fun 😳#just like... have to be very careful about the where/what bc the last thing i wanna be is a black person w a weapon when a cop pulls up#so.. another time 👉🏾👉🏾 i gotta find myself a similar spot nearby‚ i just got around to practicing finally bc i went camping last night
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hihi folks!! gonna really quickly informally poke my kofi comms page again (that time of month again and all. Bills(tm)), but also a general widespread question!
th stuff i have up for commission options is mostly a quick and simple pick of options, but i figured id ask if anyone has any interest in adding any other things to the roster! things like icons n whatnot (which i definitely want to add when i can get to it--!)
dont want things to feel too limited, n all! i still consider off-sheet requests aswell, its mostly just to keep the list from getting too overwhelming. ^w^'' tyty for your time folks, n drop a reply or ask if you have any suggestions n ill give em a look over n such when i can! have a good one! o/
#piktalk#WAHH im much much quieter over here than id like to be; iam unfortunately Very Nervous. deer disposition. you understand.#but i have been doing mostly well in th meantime!! trying my best and all! \o/#also big big thankyou to th folks who have left kind asks; i see em all but again; The Nervousness. sincerely sincerely thank you so much.#oh additionally; im also gonna add my shimejis over on kofi pwyw-free style. just so theyre all in one place :] because i still like them!!#ok thats all!!! bows very very deeply!!!
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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now that we have our own lil housing system, sky should implement a mail or letter system
#i need to tell my friend who probably passed out irl that we can do stuff later I DONT WANT TO LEAVE THEM#THEYRE 16 HOURS AHEAD OF ME I CANT STAY HERE ALL NIGHT MY IPAD IS GETTING INSANELY HOT#I WISH I COULD THOUGH#sky: cotl#sky: children of the light#s:cotl#thatskygame#sky children of the light#sky cotl#rad.txt#met them doing dailies and they were just following me#theyre so nice ;;-;;#theyre also japanese and the in game translating is so nice#i feel so bad its an extra step for them but slightly easier for them to talk in their native tongue#also flex some of my japanese for the first time ever 😎 (literally basic sentences)#its so cute though. we both go back and forth saying stuff in japanese and english#we were looking for winged light to go through eden and i think they fell asleep irl#now we're both just passed out by the doors in valley#its so loud i wish i went somewhere quieter or with nicer music#i hope theyre doing okay#also never thought about how 'rad' would translate into japanese until today
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We've been oppressed by more or less constant 40-50mph winds for almost a week now & I'm starting to feel like my life is a lost chapter from Giants in the Earth.
#there's something about nonstop wind that makes me feel insane#I'm also super tired of having to wear earplugs at night#here I am reaping the fruit of choosing to live on an exposed hillside I guess#but the exposure situation is improving as our hedges & trees grow in#hurry up plants I need you to save my sanity#in the meantime I will try to enjoy the views & be grateful for my usually silent isolation#and this summer we'll finish our project of tearing down interior walls & rebuilding with insulation#so that will also make things quieter#just trying to talk myself down off the ledge here#don't mind me#I love you Scotland but this wind is really a bit much
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guys when the disability is disabling 👎
#sorry stupid vent post <3#im gonna be angry in the tags here for a second#im just. idk. sick of being aware of the fact that im getting worse.#i had a week off from work for moving and school purposes#and now that im back i am . oh boy 👍 not great#literally passed out this morning which . thats new. dont like that.#hopefully its just a . one off thing. i dont know. but. idk.#something something capitalism something something ableism something something im tired of this grandpa#i am tired of being in pain <3 im tired of feeling like im falling behind constantly and like im letting everyone down#by just not being able to do the things i feel i should be able to do.#and like. also currently looking at wfh jobs bc i do not think my body can handle school and work and having to stand and walk and stairs#that much . every single day.#and i feel bad about that too bc i transfered to this store ! i put in work to be here at this store and my fucking body is giving out !!#its not even bad. its a much quieter store than the one i came from. everyone ive talked to is nice. the manager is understanding#and i hate that i feel like im just. deteriorating. and failing at everything <3#but like whatever . its whatever. i know its just the. internalized shit of 'yeah but im not bad enough to warrant this'#like ! fuck !#idk. things to bring up in therapy i guess <3#ok goop night sorry for this. i wont be deleting bc fuck me if i ever delete a post. cringe is dead or wtvr
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which part of the brain do you think Angela lives in the most?
i dont know what genres of brain i have but im pretty sure shes made her way through at least all of them
#girlie out here finding rooms up there i didnt even know i had. thats barely a joke.#though maybe that was carmen. or also carmen. it was her at some point too. idk what shes doing Now but she did Something#even if im much much quieter about her i still quite like her a lot.#piktalk#projmoon#angie just has a dedicated chair in the corner yknow. its always there; she just kinda hangs out.
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its clean its fucking clean i cleaned it
#toy pic post#undescribed#40gal#then dad dismissed how much fucking effort it took whether intentionally or not and i got so angry cos i already was having to#outsource reward chemicals or whatever the fuck to chocolate covered pretzels and a soda#and i was so overwhelmed from exhaustion and overstimulated to be fucking graciously regulating my emotional responses to him saying#Stupid Shit that i just got so angry i had to sleep#but i was. really determined. to manuafacture some kinda fucking reward. so i played viddygame until i fell asleep#bc that seemed like it would be better for my brain than straight up rage napping#anyway. i will. attempt the 90gal tomorrow. todayrrow. im going to. get up and get a snack and then brush my teeth and go to bed for real#bc i just cant stop fucking Horse Sleeping. i guess#so close#still much to do. i have to do the 90 and put the plants back on top of the 40 but its already so much quieter in here#which is good for me not being driven insane by. the sound of my failure to do a task.#shit i still need to dose fertilizer as well. i will try to do that before i go back to sleep#but i was too fucking angry to be thinking about Ratios of Liquid without exploding so its good i didnt attempt it earlier probably#anyway.POSTIVES: ITS CLEAN. I CAN SEE IN THE TANK AGAIN. THE PLANTS I SHOVED IN THE TOP ARE GROWING CRAZY#EVEN IF THEYRE A BIT UGLY AND LEGGY. I DIDNT FIND ANY DEAD FISH. THE KUHLIS CONSTANTLY SWIMMING UNDER THE ALGAE SCRUBBER#WAS A LITTLE ANNOYING AND INCONVENIENT BUT ALSO. CUTE AND ENDEARING. I LOVE THE STUPID NOODLE ANIMALS#i got a lot done today even if it wasnt all i wanted and many of the tasks were tiny. it got the big fucking task done that was hanging ove#over my head for weeks and making me feel intensely guilty. and now its so QUIET. like the 90 is still loud sure! but its just One of them#now!#the fucking palpable relief
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ok explanation time
#this is Zaki. hi!#taking a break from my other blog for a bit. also i wanted somewhere quieter.#flickeringflame has felt kind of chaotic and loud lately and i want someplace small where i follow fewer people#i found myself doomscrolling on there and it's just compounding the ick of lately#here i want to focus on hope and truth (and whimsy too dw) and posting things that get 2 likes from beloved mutuals#anyway that's why#planning to still be on the other blog after a break but this'll be nice if i get overwhelmed again.
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Non-serious Eiffel question for you: How would Eiffel spend a day at the beach? 🏖️🩵
in theory: chilling out, doing nothing, getting a tan. in practice: can't find a comfortable position to lie down in, gets bored, gets the worst sunburn known to man. complains about sand in unmentionable places. (whether he's the type of prequels disliker who thinks it's funny to rag on that sand line, or if he'd just resent the comparison entirely, well... up to you.) he needs an activity. set him loose with a metal detector or something.
#see i think hera would love to just go sit by the ocean for a while if she could. ideally somewhere quieter. and eiffel would want to go#and he would get bored almost immediately. he wants to go get ice cream.#goes in the water just so he can splash water at her. etc.#which. my other answer to this is that pda couples on the beach / in the water are some of the worst ones and i think#that should be eiffel and hera also. sorry.#eiffel would let someone bury him in the sand and regret it.#and the consequences of his actions here depend on who's there with him. minkowski would only be like 'i told you so'#lovelace would not be above slapping his sunburn.#thank you beth i appreciate it. topical question. yesterday i saw a guy with so much chest hair on the beach (good news for me)#asks
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